Cutting the Tags Off: [30 DAYS OF WRITING: EPISODE 21/30]

stickerThis is day 21 of a 30 day New Year’s Resolution.

I leave stickers on my laptops. You know, those “Intel Inside” stickers, or “HP: Faster Chrome. Bigger Screen.” Some part of me feels like – as long as it still has the sticker on, it’s still new.

Also: tags. I’ll have a shirt for three weeks before I cut the tag off. I might even wear it a few times.

You probably don’t share this exact pathology, but maybe you can relate: indecision (women call this “fear of commitment”) keeps us holding on to the past.

For me, it’s tags. For you, well, maybe you wear the same clothes you wore in college. Maybe you still party like you’re in college. Maybe you hold on to souvenirs from trips. Trips you took as an adult. Family trips from when you were a kid. Maybe you still have that box of shells. A shoebox full of birthday cards.

Your retainer, which you haven’t worn since you were 16.

A while back, I wrote a post on 15 Things to Throw Out, Now. 

All over the Bay Area, I could hear the sound of duffle-bag zippers as people schlepped their “seemed like a good idea at the time” clothes, shoes, and hats to Salvation Army.

Now, the holidays have passed, and you’ve been gifted all sorts of goodies. Your closet and shelves are overloaded. The stuff on hangers is bunched together, and drawers won’t close.

It’s time for another clean-out.

Don’t throw that stuff out because you need more space – even though you do.

Don’t throw it out because you don’t wear it – even though you don’t (or shouldn’t, anyhow).

Throw it out because it’s part of curating who you are. You know, like the curator of a museum who decides that some of the old collection has got to go. To keep the museum current. Relevant. Alive.

To curate is to grow.

Throw it out.

Got a Style-Criticism? Good. Keep it to yourself: [30 DAYS OF WRITING: EPISODE 20/30]

helmetThis is day 20 of a 30 day New Year’s Resolution.

Back in February, blogger Howie Chong wrote a post on bike helmets that blew my mind. So to speak.

It was not about how helmets save lives. It was partially about how helmets may increase injuries.

But that’s not what struck me.

What I found fascinating was, as Chong points out, how quickly people criticize, even ridicule non-helmet wearers. And way out proportion to the need for the criticism.

Truth is, as a scooter rider, I’ve experienced the way people will hurl a “get a helmet” at you if you so much as pull fifteen feet up the street for a better parking space, without your helmet on.

I’d like to suggest that we live in a world where there is not enough good communication, not enough listening, and where people feel like their opinions don’t matter. So when they see someone with a helmet off, it’s their big chance to be heard.

I may, in my day, have yelled the same thing, myself.

Found in a thrift store in Austin. Still fresh after 3000 years.

Found in a thrift store in Austin. Still fresh after 3000 years.

I want to pull back a second and say, of course – there are times when people need to be told what’s what. There’s a great quote from the Mishna – I’m getting Jewish nerdy here – which is a 2000 year old instruction manual in the form of a series of arguments.

Q: “From where do we derive that one who sees something wrong about his friend should rebuke him? A: It is said (in the Torah), ‘One should surely rebuke.’

Q: How do we know that one should continue to rebuke [if his first attempt does not achieve the desired results]? A: We are taught this from the [odd grammar that one is to rebuke] no matter what.

So, yes. When it’s important, rebuke. But what if it’s some unimportant, antiquated fashion faux pas?

Picture taken in OCTOBER! Oooooh. Risky!

Picture taken in OCTOBER! Oooooh. Risky!

In style, I would maintain, there are a few rules which need to be thrown out. And yet, when I break one of them, the same guy who yells, “get a helmet” also tells me which sartorial rule I’m breaking, as if rebuking me for some moral flaw.

I take umbrage with this. So here are my top five rules you shouldn’t worry about breaking.

And what’s more…you shouldn’t worry about others breaking ’em, either.

1. White pants should not be worn after labor day or before Memorial Day.

Baloney. On a sunny winter day in California? Put ’em on.

So much matchy-matchy! Off to "style-jail?" Are you gonna narc on me?

So much matchy-matchy! Off to “style-jail?”
Are you gonna narc on me?

2. Seersucker: same.

Baloney. Okay, maybe not when it’s raining or snowing, but on a hot autumn day? Wear the damn seersucker.

3. Don’t wear Blue and Black together.

Baloney. Different shades of blue look great with black. Even navy-blue and black can look fetching.

 4. Don’t match your jacket and tie / jacket and shirt / etc.

Baloney. If it looks good, do it. Intentional overmatching is a way to raise your flair. Just, you know… get a second opinion.

Bottom button is buttoned. The earth keeps spinning.

Bottom button is buttoned.
The earth keeps spinning.

5. Don’t button the bottom button.

Baloney. If the sportcoat has a high button-stance and the bottom button keeps the jacket hugging your torso? Go for it.

In short: don’t be afraid to break the rules.

And furthermore, if you see someone else doing it? For God’s sake, keep your rules to your self.

And wear a helmet.

Yeah. I did it with a selfie stick. [30 DAYS OF WRITING: EPISODE 19/30]

lecturingThis is day 19 of a 30 day New Year’s Resolution.

The entire advertising industry is based on the idea that some spotless, shiny, pristine whatever it is suddenly materialized at just the right place, at just the right time.

Cars zip along shadow-dappled country roads, down hills past fields of wheat. 

Pats of butter melt on stacks of “hotcakes,” steam rising ever so gently.

Women eat salads and laugh.

It’s not that driving on a country road, breakfast, or salad-bonhomie is fake or false. These are three real-life pleasures. It’s that all three of these take real work to make them happen, and in reality, there’s always something rough around the edges. Country roads smell like cows. Hotcakes make my tummy hurt.

Salad-eating women are laughing at us for paying $5.00 for a bottle of canola oil, vinegar, and guar gum.

But advertising wants it to look easy and perfect.

surprisedThe fashion industry gives in to this, as well. Flip through any fashion magazine and see men staring off into the distance while leaning on a Vespa. Sure, the pocket square is in disarray in a display of sprezzatura, and there’s some 5 o’clock shadow, but the pocket square was put into place with a tweezer and the scruff is carefully cultivated.

Maybe there’s no way around it. Pictures of imperfection don’t sell suits.

But there is balance. Wabi-sabi, a Japanese aesthetic philosophy, accepts transience and imperfection. Practitioners and artists who honor Wabi-sabi allow things to be, to do, to act according to their nature. And in the real, material world, nothing is perfect.

As a teacher, one philosophy I follow with students is not through sprezzatura – studied nonchalance – where every stumble is choreographed. Rather, I allow a bit of my rough edges to show. I am fully human. Fully adult, fully responsible, fully trustworthy, and fully human.

My approach to style is similar. Believe me — I’m not throwing on whatever, each morning, as styley-liars might suggest they do. I’m a dork and I’m honest, so I think about what I do and I admit it.

But I accept my own, inherent Wabi-sabi. In the past, I have flopped many outfits. And in the future, I will flop many outfits. Sometimes it takes a try or two before I’m willing to walk outside. These are not the outtakes of my Style Story – they are part of it.

How many parts of your journey to who you are, now, would you excise, in the name of perfection?

None, I hope.

pleasedWhich brings me to the selfie-stick. It’s hilarious. A stick to hold your camera so you can take a selfie? Brilliant comic-artist “The Oatmeal” gives it a well-deserving send-up, and certainly, the selfie-stick deserves a little ribbing. For that matter, so does the selfie.

But who has a professional photographer to follow them around while they practice sprezzatura? Who has a cobblestone street in their backyard to walk down while looking down at their watch? Who has a low, whitewashed wall to sit on, to while away the afternoon?

Not me. Not you.

And our arms are only so long.

Some of us take selfies because we’re real people without a photography entourage. We use selfie sticks because our arms are short and our girlfriend-photographers have a limit to their patience. 

And we take pictures and write because we celebrate life and style and all of the imperfections that make us human.

So do I use a selfie-stick?

To take selfies is human. To use a selfie-stick — divine.

A STYLE-WRITER’S OBLIGATION ON MLK] DAY: [30 DAYS OF WRITING: EPISODE 18/30]

dapperThis is day 18 of a 30 day New Year’s Resolution.

When I was a kid, I’d read the funny papers, eagerly, every Sunday morning. If it was Christmas or Thanksgiving or the 4th of July, most of the comics would know that. Even though, year by year, the round-headed kids never grew up, the orange cat never got old and arthritic, and the boy with the tiger never hit the awkward stage, on holidays, time meant something. For a few times a year, comic-wonderland and our earth-calendar aligned. Turkeys, Santa, Fireworks, even ballots — they all appeared for one day.

And then, there’d be some hanger-on, old-ass comic that would persist in its obliviousness to what day it was.

mlkToday was a pretty damn important day for this country. For me, MLK day is about hope and change and progress. But it’s also about not getting self-congratulatory. More work remains to be done than has been done, and for the time being, America doesn’t have a leader like Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. to point everyone in the right direction. We need to be putting 365 days-a-year’s worth of attention and effort into affecting change, but we’re obligated on this day to look not only forward, but also backwards in history.

I feel the need to drop a pin at the point of the connection of style and the legacy of the Civil Rights Movement — because this is a men’s style blog and it’s MLK day and I will not publish the style blog equivalent of four panels of zany army-guys, frolicking on an army base.

Today, the style blogs should stand, remove their hats, and pay their respects.

boycott21.jpgWhich brings me to the subject: hats. As featured in pictures of MLK.

I recall seeing pictures of MLK in my high school textbooks, and while he has a face both kind and fierce, I recall being struck by the simple, dapper elegance of his hats. I was a teenager, easily struck by such things.

Later, as a high school teacher, bringing students to Montgomery, Alabama’s Bus Boycott Museum, MLK’s hats were the last thing on my mind. There was a message I needed to communicate to my students. It was urgent.

But an online image-search brought that high-school memory back to me.

If I didn’t know who MLK was, if I didn’t know that he was one of the most important leaders humanity has ever known, if I didn’t recognize his face, then this is what I could guess from what he wore:

  • mlk and cskAs the years passed, the brim shortened, reflecting the changing styles of the 60s. The man under the brim was a person who kept up with the times. While some people gaze only towards the future, this man did his work very much in the present.
  • Some values, like dignity and grace, are worth hanging on to, keeping above the brow, between the eyes. And when doing the most important work on earth, it’s worth being aware that all eyes are on you. Present a persona that lends gravitas to the office.
  • Sometimes, form is as important as function. The words we choose to use are as critical as the vision they convey. No form is as fine as a fedora, and no one could craft words like Dr. King.

I offer this as a small tribute to this immense figure. All year, let us do the work of bringing his dream into reality.

onbusBut for one tiny moment, this style-writer wants to give a salute to what Dr. King wore on his crown.

Don’t Let Perfect Be the Enemy of Styliness: [30 DAYS OF WRITING: EPISODE 17/30]

This is day 17 of a 30 day New Year’s Resolution.

I have another secret writing identity. I’m not only a Style BLogger. I’m also the author of an ed-tech blog, magnetiCClassroom.

Ssssh! It’s a secret.

Well, now you know. Anyhow, I wanted to write tonight about “fail-forward” and “design-thinking.” Design thinking is a process which some groups go through in understanding a problem to the point of empathy, creatively designing solutions, and rationally studying the pros and cons of each.

If design-thinking had a Patronus, it would be a glowing pad of Sticky-Notes. Design-thinkers throw ideas on the wall and see what sticks. So to speak.

And they speak about failing as I speak about the time I went to science camp in middle-school. It can be awful, but if you embrace it and get it out of the way, (fail forward), you can learn a great deal from it.

nicetry

Fail Forward?

I mention this because as I left Milwaukee to come home, my father pulled, from out of a stack of photos, this gem.

It’s pretty bad.

The hat is an Uncle Bill hand-me-down, the shirt is big and billowy in the sleeves, and you could fit two fingers-breadth between my neck and the collar.

What else? Now that I’m on a roll: the tie is shiny silk, the vest is too big, and the 90s goatee would be more acceptable if it wasn’t already 2002. I won’t say anything disparaging about my father’s outfit, but I do think the ortho-boot adds a little something to the look.

To finish, the pants are too baggy, and I’m wearing huge, round-toed Dr. Marten’s slip-on boots.

I sent a picture of this to a friend, and I said, “Can you believe how bad this is?”

And instead of laughing with me, he said: “I see that as baby-steps towards how you dress now.”

Indeed, I remember so many times putting on an outfit and wishing it looked good, but knowing it didn’t. I kept trying. I failed and sometimes I succeeded.

In the picture, yes, I was failing. My dad, maybe, too. But we were failing forward.

afterus

10 Years Later: Older and Wiser. And yet, maybe more youthfully-styley?

There is no growth without failure, and there is no failure without trying.

And there is no way to be styley without experimenting. So.

Get ready to fail. And have fun with it.

10 Shopping Mistakes to Avoid When Clearance Shopping: [30 DAYS OF WRITING: EPISODE 16/30]

shoppingThis is day 16 of a 30 day New Year’s Resolution.

People think the best shopping day of the year is Black Friday or Cyber-Monday, but that’s just what the businesses want you to believe.

The reality is that the biggest sales (at least for new threads) are happening now. Why? Mainly, the spring season is here, and a lot of last season’s stuff has to be moved out, fast. It’s almost as if the fashion industry has a problem with anticipatory anxiety and needs to take care of weather changes three months away — right now.

This means that if you haven’t already blown your shopping wad, so to speak, you probably ought to hit a few of your favorite shops before the reduced reductions are gone.

Here are 10 tips to help you on Clearance Shopping Day.

By the way, if you're a grown-ass man, you have no business shopping at punk-ass Abercrombie.

By the way, if you’re a grown-ass man, you have no business shopping at punk-ass Abercrombie.

1. Cheap does not mean that you need it. Yes, it retailed for $150. Yes, it’s now $50. It’s still ugly. Don’t buy it.

2. When trying on pants, put your shoes on. I know that you get tired of slipping your kicks on and off, and the back of your foot is getting rubbed raw, but you cannot gauge the fit of pants without having shoes on.

3. Go shopping with a friend who can give you a) moral support, b) grab you another size while you’re in the fitting room, and c) tell you enough is enough when it’s time to go.

4. If you’re hitting a mall, after three stores, your judgment is shot. Don’t try to fit in a fourth. You’ll end up bringing home something you didn’t really want.

5. Make sure you’re clear on the return date. Some stores offer two weeks, some a month, and some 60 days. Whatever you bought at the fourth store (see #4 above) will need to be returned promptly.

6. If you’re not sure whether you should buy an article of clothing, use this simple formula: if you love it but you’re not sure about the fit, take it home and try it on in front of your own mirror. If it fits beautifully but you don’t love it — don’t buy it.

7. If you already have something like it, don’t buy it. If it’s similar but a quantum leap better than what you had, buy it and donate the old one. That’s called an upgrade.

8. Focus on finding a piece that’s a bit of a stretch for you: find a statement blazer, a bold shirt or tie — something refreshing. For guidelines on how much flair you should be aiming for, consult this handy-dandy infographic.

9. Have a sense of what you’re looking for before you hit the shops. If you don’t know what you’re looking for, you’ll waste your time and probably your money.

10. Wear a white t-shirt, indigo jeans, and styley-casual shoes (see links for more info) to allow you to change sweaters or shirts without using the dressing room, and to allow you to try a variety of tops without swapping the pants and shoes. You know…since everything goes with indigo jeans and styley-casual shoes…

The Meaning of Mid-way Aged: [30 DAYS OF WRITING: EPISODE 15/30]
It takes midway-age to rock tweed.

It just might tale midway-age to rock tweed.

This is day 15 of a 30 day New Year’s Resolution.

I did the math. I’m halfway through my New Year’s Resolution. When this write-o-rama began, I was sitting in a “casita” in Austin, feeling hungover, feeling happy. Fifteen blog posts later, the topic du jour has shifted from cutting fashion corners to death and dying. My New Year’s resolution is middled aged, and it is aware of its end.

Speaking of middles – both my Uncle and Grandfather died around their 80th birthdays. And while this doesn’t mean that I will die when I’m 80, nor that I think of myself as m-m-middle aged, given that I turned 40 this year, it puts things into perspective. Namely, for my New Year’s Resolution, and for my life, there may be a long, long, long time to go, but it’s not going to be any longer than what’s already been. I’m not middle aged, but I’m mid-way aged.

This brings to mind some of the ways people react to hearing that I’m 40. I get a lot of “no way”s – a lot of “you certainly do not look it,” and more recently, from a retail salesguy, “Congratulations!” A couple of days ago, someone said I looked 20, but I’ve seen pictures recently of when I was 20, and I look like a strange, long-haired, gothic Yentl. I don’t look 20, and I’m glad I don’t look 20.

I didn't have the eye to put a look like this together when I was 30.

I didn’t have the eye to put a look like this together when I was 30.

While most of the dudes rocking selfies on Instagram are 20 or 30-something, I enjoy being mid-way aged. On the one hand, when I wear a suit, I don’t look like an intern, wearing something handed down from his big-brother. I look like I belong in an outfit with gravitas. On the other hand, when I wear something casual, I make a point to wear something with clean lines and bold colors. I don’t want to wear blingy sunglasses or “streetwear” like the midway-aged guys I’ve seen lurking around Hollywood.

I want to take advantage of having survived this long, with a slightly higher budget for clothes, with a sharper eye, with a more discerning taste, and most important, with the confidence that younger men lack, the lack that keeps any young man from looking like he belongs in a red-velvet ball-room.

I plan to eat lots of kale. Exercise regularly. And wear what I look good in, long past mid-way age.

stripes

You can dress youthfully without dressing like a kid.

The old people sitting around my Aunt’s house after the funeral agreed: growing old sucks. I sympathize with their achey knees and their non-stop trips to the doctor.

But midway-aged? It’s pretty great.

11 Things I Learned From a Funeral: [30 DAYS OF WRITING: EPISODE 14/30]
My little cuz: it took a funeral to meet her. A gift from beyond the grave...?

My little cuz: it took a funeral to meet her. A gift from beyond the grave…?

This is day 14 of a New Year’s Resolution.

1. Some things really are forever.

2. It’s possible to be an agent of change without even being alive.

3. Jewish comfort food is actually comforting.

4. The most important conversations are one-on-one, but they might require a little extra effort: eg. sleeping on a couch in your clothes or sitting in a freezing-cold parked car.

5. There are three sides to every story, and most of them don’t really matter.

6. The biggest gift you can give is listening. The second biggest gift is just being there, silent.

11. Thinking about people you've lost makes you think about other people you've lost. Uncle Bill: Circa 1960.

11. Thinking about people you’ve lost makes you think about other people you’ve lost.
Uncle Bill: Circa 1960.

7. Crying is cathartic and healing and should be done with great gusto.

8. Family has more to do with who you call “grandpa” than genes or marriage.

9. Real, live teenage cousins are even better than students.

10. Not even forever is forever.

Expensive Jeans: Scam or Denim Umami? [30 DAYS OF WRITING: EPISODE 13/30]
Levi's 514: Good enough because they're already great.

Levi’s 514: Good enough because they’re already great.

This is day 13 of a New Year’s Resolution.

I’m a little burned out on the subject of death and grief, so let’s talk about denim and the reality of expensive jeans.

Jeans generally go into two categories: way too expensive and meh.

On the one hand, this great land of our is piled high with cheap, uninspired, mass-produced denim. It’s made, bought and donned with very little fanfare. And it doesn’t need to be that way.

On the other hand, walk around any menswear boutique and you’ll find jeans which cost almost much as a suit. And while there’s nothing wrong with dropping $250 on a pair of jeans per se, the nature of denim implies, well, a certain practical accessibility. There is something a little off about the concept of ungodly expensive jeans.

I know that much of the the world, every seventh grader, and all of Los Angeles disagrees with me. But millions of styley folks roll their eyes at the price tags. To misquote Macklemore: $200 on jeans — I call that getting tricked by a business.

Unless…you get something for the money.

So what are the options. What could you possibly get?

Possible answers: you get A) a better look or B) you get higher quality.

Let’s analyze. 

The following thing I say is not a boast. The following thing I say is a fact: I get compliments on my jeans all the time. People ask what they are. Where I got them. How much they were. And the answer is that my jeans, my quotidian, put ’em on and wear ’em with absolutely everything jeans are Levi’s 514. I got them at a Buffalo Exchange for $25.

So, to answer the question: Can I get a better look for $200? Probably not.

indigo

Indigo: the most beautiful color in all of cloth-dom.

On the other hand, for about $100 more than “regular” Levi’s, you can bag one of the upscale side-brand Levi’s called Made and Crafted. It’s a problematic name. All jeans are made and crafted. Everything is made and crafted. But these are made in U.S.A.! (Insert happy, excited emoticon). And/or Turkey. (Insert sad emoticon). The website attempts to explain the premium cost by explaining that Levi ‘s Made and Crafted are:

  • Our premium quality denim is woven in the USA, Japan and Italy
  • The Levi’s “Arcuate” is stitched behind the pocket–gradually apearing [sic] with wear (apparently their high price tag wasn’t high enough to allow the company to retain a proofreader for their website).
  • We use real indigo and other natural dyes
  • Every garment is cut, sewn and finished using the best methods available.

Does this justify the $169 cost? To begin with, that figure is low for premium, gourmet denim, but still about $100 more than Levi’s “normal” jeans. In that sense, it still sounds like getting “tricked by a business.”

But I wasn’t sure. So I got a pair from a website that allowed easy returns. 

And here’s what I learned.

selvege

Behold the selvedge: might signify high quality denim. Certainly looks awesome. Only visible if you cuff.

Denim Umami

Really great jeans are not just about how they fit, it’s also about the quality of the color and also something I’d like to call Denim Umami (or maybe Denimami?). In food, Umami is the lip-smack “yum” that makes you want to eat the whole bag.

Great jeans have undeniable umami.

And while I love my Levi’s 514, when I slid into the Made and Crafted, I could feel the Denimami. It felt like I was wearing something much more savory. With satisfying crunch. The details caught my eye: the stitching a little more solid. Bold. The seams a little more bad-ass.

But what made an impression on me was the undeniable beauty of the Rigid Indigo denim, itself. Not everyone likes rigid jeans. They take a while to break in, they’re a little stiff for a while, and they drape differently than the soft jeans you wear when you lay on the sofa, watching the game. 

But the rigid indigo Made and Crafted managed to blur rugged with class, rough with refined, no-frills with fine-finish – just as my favorite foods are often rustic, executed with excellent ingredients, and served with a subtle panache (along with something crispy or crunchy, every few bites).

Rigid Indigo or Indi-Go Home!

Rigid Indigo or Indi-Go Home!

The Harsh Reality

If spending $170 dollars on an article of clothing you will wear more than anything else you own (maybe more than everything you own, combined) and will have for years is something you can relate you, you’re a candidate for some Made and Crafted. But some caveats:

  • If you don’t want Indigo or Indigo Rigid denim, save your money.
  • If you don’t want to turn up your cuffs to show off the selvedge denim – the usually red or blue stripe running up the inside seam – save your money.
  • If the style you want doesn’t have a selvedge edge (not all do) – save your money.
  • If ‘Murca and products made here aren’t important to you, then go find another place to live! U.S.A! U.S.A! (And Turkey.)

Ultimately, if after reading this it’s not abundantly clear to you that you need Made and Crafted jeans – if my description of Denimami didn’t make any sense to you, or you rolled your eyes at any time, then take my advice: save your hundred bucks and wear a great pair of “regular” Levi’s — jeans that are good enough because they’re already great.

It doesn’t take a “Jeanius” to figure that one out…

Order Amidst Chaos: What Do You Wear For Your Brother’s/Uncle’s Funeral? [30 Days Of Writing: Episode 12/30]
Like father, like son.

Like father, like son.

This morning, I came downstairs dressed for my Uncle’s funeral.

I’d assembled a cozy sweater and blazer and a tie that my parents had given me some years back. It wasn’t the usual black suit, but as I’ve said, my Uncle wasn’t a black suit sort of guy.

That, and I knew it would be a long day. I dressed for comfort. Not comfortable, per say, but comforting.

My father was dressed, already, in a look brilliantly executed, as if from the pages of a classy Brooks Brothers catalog. Structured and calm and beautifully put together.

It was one of the longest days in human history. We both cried many times. But as our respective styles suggested, I was, indeed, comforted.

image

After the hardest part of the day: a cup of Joe.

And my father was classy and beautifully put together.